"Девушка пела в церковном хоре..."
a translation-take 1
In church’s choir, a girl was singing
Of all the weary in stranger lands,
Of all the ships that left to high seas,
Of all who long forgot being glad.
Thus sung her voice, flying into the dome,
And ray was gleaming on shoulder white,
And everyone saw in the dark how shone
White dress singing in beams of light.
And seemed to all, that the joy will come yet,
That all ships are in backwaters, safe,
That all the weary and all the tired
In foreign lands found brighter fate.
And sweet was her voice, and fine was light ray,
And only aloft, near kingdom’s gates,
Partaker of mysteries, -child was crying
That no one will ever be coming back.
*******
*link to the original by Alexander Blok
**big thank you to
who inspired me with her essay, and gave me the desire and courage to try***it being a very well-known poem, I’m sure there are many more translations of it, so much better than this first take of mine. I didn’t look at any, because then I’d loose my courage.
*****for you 🤍
...I'm not pleased and I think I know the reasons why. The original is very soft and musical, endings are more open, like in the first stanza for example. Mine is very close to original, so it would seem, in almost everything-yet this softness is lost at times. It's too important to be lost.
That's the main what's wrong with it, there is small stuff too.
Oh well. As I said-it's a first take, I'll have to rewrite it.
Darn, it made me so happy at first that I tried...
..thank you so much for the restack, Paul 🤍