...I'm not pleased and I think I know the reasons why. The original is very soft and musical, endings are more open, like in the first stanza for example. Mine is very close to original, so it would seem, in almost everything-yet this softness is lost at times. It's too important to be lost.
That's the main what's wrong with it, there is small stuff too.
Oh well. As I said-it's a first take, I'll have to rewrite it.
Darn, it made me so happy at first that I tried...
Zhenia, it is a beautiful translation. Sorry, I found it so late. I am shocked, you maintain Blok's intonation: if to pronounce poem slowly and aloud, we can hear some musicality despite the foreign vocabulary. My sincere congratulations! When I finish my essay on Blok, I would love, as I told you before to publish several his poems in translation, for my readers, (and we have different readers), may I use yours, as we talked before? Thank you!
Actually it's a small miracle you found it at all, as I discovered that for the past 2 (minimum) weeks 20% or more of subscribers don't get the newsletter. I don't know what to do. But that's unrelated, -I'm so happy you like it! Of course you can use it. It'd be an honor.
Only I commented later in this thread that I think it needs to be rewritten .
Because I, as per my habit, liked it in the morning, and by the evening was already sad. Муки творчества.
By the way might be telepathy but I tried to work on it again today. IA few hours ago.
Nothing good came out of it yet.
I don't like first stanza especially. The words are too "closed"...needs to be more open, more soft and musical..
But after I rewrote it it became worse. Keeping it for now as is, will continue to think
I love your Муки творчества. У меня Муки техники. Substack sent a note of congratulation with 100 subscribers, and I cannot find the Notes, where I could put my thank you note to them. 10 days passed. This is how I am in the technical things of Substack. I couldn't find you because I told you before, the don't send me your post through my email, as before. Let's chat tomorrow. Congratulations with Blok!
Oh it's a Substack problem, more than 20% of my readers DON'T get anything in their mailboxes. I'm still waiting to hear from technical support.
I've no idea what to do, actually. I dd share several last ones on Notes, today, which I usually don't do with my own posts.
Dear Larisa, if you want, I can also forward my emails directly to you, than you'll be able to see them in your mail. Tell me if it works better, and not an imposition, -and then I'll try to do that. Until they solve the problem.
If it's not really difficult for you, please do it, because I would love to read what you write. Or m.b. I should google you, as I did to read your prose.
Because almost all who participated in the experiment of democracy descended from all who took ships, but also because it is beautiful..
❤️
You did yourself proud, Chen.
makes me happy you think that, Portia 💕
..thank you so much for the restack, Paul 🤍
...I'm not pleased and I think I know the reasons why. The original is very soft and musical, endings are more open, like in the first stanza for example. Mine is very close to original, so it would seem, in almost everything-yet this softness is lost at times. It's too important to be lost.
That's the main what's wrong with it, there is small stuff too.
Oh well. As I said-it's a first take, I'll have to rewrite it.
Darn, it made me so happy at first that I tried...
And you should hold on to that feeling of elation, Chen. Poetry translation is the most difficult form of translation. You can always try again.
oh and I will. I'll try to try
Thank you dear Portia
Beautiful!
Thank you 💫
Zhenia, it is a beautiful translation. Sorry, I found it so late. I am shocked, you maintain Blok's intonation: if to pronounce poem slowly and aloud, we can hear some musicality despite the foreign vocabulary. My sincere congratulations! When I finish my essay on Blok, I would love, as I told you before to publish several his poems in translation, for my readers, (and we have different readers), may I use yours, as we talked before? Thank you!
Larisa! I missed you.
Actually it's a small miracle you found it at all, as I discovered that for the past 2 (minimum) weeks 20% or more of subscribers don't get the newsletter. I don't know what to do. But that's unrelated, -I'm so happy you like it! Of course you can use it. It'd be an honor.
Only I commented later in this thread that I think it needs to be rewritten .
Because I, as per my habit, liked it in the morning, and by the evening was already sad. Муки творчества.
By the way might be telepathy but I tried to work on it again today. IA few hours ago.
Nothing good came out of it yet.
I don't like first stanza especially. The words are too "closed"...needs to be more open, more soft and musical..
But after I rewrote it it became worse. Keeping it for now as is, will continue to think
Thank you 🤍
I love your Муки творчества. У меня Муки техники. Substack sent a note of congratulation with 100 subscribers, and I cannot find the Notes, where I could put my thank you note to them. 10 days passed. This is how I am in the technical things of Substack. I couldn't find you because I told you before, the don't send me your post through my email, as before. Let's chat tomorrow. Congratulations with Blok!
🌹
Thank you. I, really, don't get your writing anymore, or you stopped publishing your poems. I don't know what to think.
Oh it's a Substack problem, more than 20% of my readers DON'T get anything in their mailboxes. I'm still waiting to hear from technical support.
I've no idea what to do, actually. I dd share several last ones on Notes, today, which I usually don't do with my own posts.
Dear Larisa, if you want, I can also forward my emails directly to you, than you'll be able to see them in your mail. Tell me if it works better, and not an imposition, -and then I'll try to do that. Until they solve the problem.
If it's not really difficult for you, please do it, because I would love to read what you write. Or m.b. I should google you, as I did to read your prose.