I wonder if you remember, on some forum portal someone posted a story about his phobia for birds that he suffered from his whole life etc etc and then I went to psychologist and she put me under hypnosis an that’s how I discovered that I was scared by a peacock when I was a little boy and after that my phobia for birds was never more and blah blah and yada yada and here is that clinic and there prices are very low and I recommend I mean look at me… and the first reply to that post was: “Here you are, motherf@ker… I was looking for you for sooo long” with the avatar of a mean looking peacock… remember?
Every mother knows this story, the terror we must place like a gift in their small hands as children, keeping them close because monsters lurks, waiting.
Chen, your wonderfully subtle and encompassing sense of empathy shows through this tale of motherhood and the lives of others, and very well written it is, too. I can see where your mother came from, but usually, such "monsters" don't look either different, or sad. Mostly, they look "normal", are well dressed, even handsome. I'm writing my next post about a man, whose outward demeanor was deceiving.
Thank you very much, dear Portia-and yes, I agree with you more that I can say
Mine, eventually, looked very normal, jovial, and witty and gladly accepted by all
When my daughter was scared of "a gloomy silent guy in my class that always wears black" I told her that there are thousand reasons that he wears black and is gloomy. Many horrible people were outwardly charming and looked just like everybody esle if not better.
I can't rightfully express how happy it makes me-because my usual mode is being very desperate about how I write, why I write at all, and ....the upside is being desperate about this vs being desperate over other things, but it's very sad sometimes still. So you can imagine what your kind words mean to me
Your words are provocative, "but who can say I wouldn’t be as broken if not worse, had she decided differently?" This is a choice every parents has to make, to choose between possibly over protecting or guessing wrong, doing nothing, and living with a regret of a child being significantly damaged. I don't think the delicacy of a child can be overestimated when certain kinds of trauma are involved but nor can the resilience of the young in their forgiveness of a parent acting to stop a potentially dreadful situation developing.
I was talking about different situation already, where no guessing was involved-but pursuing it might have had worse consequences than leaving well alone.
My Mom decided to leave well alone.
I must say I didn't think of this then, all thinking went into strange ways of coping etc
It took me actually 3 decades or so to even get angry at all. More, to understand the loneliness of my Mom in her decision
I am afraid, I will repeat Portia but I am the same high opinion about how well written your story. So much psychology, subtlety and nuances. Stylistically, you repeat "dash" in front of conjunction "and" as an opposition. What a reason for a dash in this case? I never read or saw a movie based on this novella, but we all loved his plays, especially "Visit." I still remember his book in my home library. My congrats on your story, very good written!
Thank you so very much, Larisa-and again it can't be overstated how important is it to me, your kind words.
I did notice I've got too many dashes, just too many. I went through all several times. I removed maybe a couple. I don't know the reason, as would be ndeed better to get rid of a half. It just sounded more like me talking. And it's how I talk, and here I really try now NOT to put yet another dash, or two.
But yes, I tried.
Good question, indeed.
It is a good novella, and a good movie, both very dark, of course.
It's funny, why I wrote about dashes (you used it again in your answer on my comment, which is not necessary, it's only an answer). My diploma"s work at the Philology was Emotional expression of the punctuation marks in the Voznesensky and Evtushenko's poetry. It was 60 years ago, and I still pay attention. Forgive me.
A brave story to tell, risky, perhaps, because it cracks you open to show a side of you that is not often revealed. The poet Theodore Roethke wrote in one of his journals, “Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries.”
Thank you so much for sharing this, Sandra
🤍
I’ll read it again later, I’m still laughing at “two words, “chocolate hedgehogs”, continued to instill in me a sense of inexplicable horror.”
)) it was precisely like that -I am still a bit upset when I hear словосочетание
I wonder if you remember, on some forum portal someone posted a story about his phobia for birds that he suffered from his whole life etc etc and then I went to psychologist and she put me under hypnosis an that’s how I discovered that I was scared by a peacock when I was a little boy and after that my phobia for birds was never more and blah blah and yada yada and here is that clinic and there prices are very low and I recommend I mean look at me… and the first reply to that post was: “Here you are, motherf@ker… I was looking for you for sooo long” with the avatar of a mean looking peacock… remember?
ahaha..no, I don't
Every mother knows this story, the terror we must place like a gift in their small hands as children, keeping them close because monsters lurks, waiting.
💜
Chen, your wonderfully subtle and encompassing sense of empathy shows through this tale of motherhood and the lives of others, and very well written it is, too. I can see where your mother came from, but usually, such "monsters" don't look either different, or sad. Mostly, they look "normal", are well dressed, even handsome. I'm writing my next post about a man, whose outward demeanor was deceiving.
Thank you very much, dear Portia-and yes, I agree with you more that I can say
Mine, eventually, looked very normal, jovial, and witty and gladly accepted by all
When my daughter was scared of "a gloomy silent guy in my class that always wears black" I told her that there are thousand reasons that he wears black and is gloomy. Many horrible people were outwardly charming and looked just like everybody esle if not better.
oh, thank you so much for the restack. it's very humbling
🤍
I just love your writing, poetry and prose alike.
I can't rightfully express how happy it makes me-because my usual mode is being very desperate about how I write, why I write at all, and ....the upside is being desperate about this vs being desperate over other things, but it's very sad sometimes still. So you can imagine what your kind words mean to me
You write because you have to. Maybe, in the end, it will help you to feel less desperate overall. You have readers, Chen, write for us!
I know, and thank you-that's what I tell myself too.
Thank you, Portia ❤️
Your words are provocative, "but who can say I wouldn’t be as broken if not worse, had she decided differently?" This is a choice every parents has to make, to choose between possibly over protecting or guessing wrong, doing nothing, and living with a regret of a child being significantly damaged. I don't think the delicacy of a child can be overestimated when certain kinds of trauma are involved but nor can the resilience of the young in their forgiveness of a parent acting to stop a potentially dreadful situation developing.
yes
I was talking about different situation already, where no guessing was involved-but pursuing it might have had worse consequences than leaving well alone.
My Mom decided to leave well alone.
I must say I didn't think of this then, all thinking went into strange ways of coping etc
It took me actually 3 decades or so to even get angry at all. More, to understand the loneliness of my Mom in her decision
I assume you might have children now because it's very difficult to empathize with a parent's choice otherwise.
I have them, yes-they even appear in the story above, albeit briefly
there are so many things I can't actually write in this Substack, because I constantly think of them
If they are still on the young side, I understand what you say. My sons are 32, 34 and so I am mostly freed of those constraints.
they're in their 20 s-I'm (comparatively) a young Mom
I'd be freer if they were younger, as in "they won't find it" anyway.
I was too, when I was writing strictly in Russian, as they do read and speak Russian but takes them more effort-and they were younger
But they did, so it seems.
We all have constraints, every one of us and that can be difficult for a creative mind that will wander where it wants regardless.
I am afraid, I will repeat Portia but I am the same high opinion about how well written your story. So much psychology, subtlety and nuances. Stylistically, you repeat "dash" in front of conjunction "and" as an opposition. What a reason for a dash in this case? I never read or saw a movie based on this novella, but we all loved his plays, especially "Visit." I still remember his book in my home library. My congrats on your story, very good written!
Thank you so very much, Larisa-and again it can't be overstated how important is it to me, your kind words.
I did notice I've got too many dashes, just too many. I went through all several times. I removed maybe a couple. I don't know the reason, as would be ndeed better to get rid of a half. It just sounded more like me talking. And it's how I talk, and here I really try now NOT to put yet another dash, or two.
But yes, I tried.
Good question, indeed.
It is a good novella, and a good movie, both very dark, of course.
It's funny, why I wrote about dashes (you used it again in your answer on my comment, which is not necessary, it's only an answer). My diploma"s work at the Philology was Emotional expression of the punctuation marks in the Voznesensky and Evtushenko's poetry. It was 60 years ago, and I still pay attention. Forgive me.
There's nothing to forgive, I rather find it fascinating, you noticing. And me, not being able to let them go))
Thank you, for reading, for everything
"Stay yourself" ❤️
🩵
A brave story to tell, risky, perhaps, because it cracks you open to show a side of you that is not often revealed. The poet Theodore Roethke wrote in one of his journals, “Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries.”
thank you
myseries indeed abound
thank you, Paul 💫
thank you for the restack, @Konstantin Asimonov-thank you
💫
I concur with others here Chen, very well written. And evocative. Thank you for sharing Chen! You seem a lovely and thoughtful woman. 🙏💖
Thank you so much-for reading, and for your kind words. It means more than I can say
💕
You are most welcome Chen. Glad you are here sharing! 💕
💫💜🪄